A Panic Attack In Forest Fair Village.

And how the dead mall community saved me.

The first dead mall video I ever watched, before I even understood what ‘dead mall’ meant, was Dan Bell’s tour of Forest Fair Village, aka Cincinnati Mall, aka Cincinnati Mills, aka Forest Fair Mall, in Forest Park and Fairfield, Ohio.

That volume of name changes embodies the mall’s turbulent history. A long decline that, among other things, includes a kitten-killing knife wielding security guard.

Despite having close to a million views, the video doesn’t crack the top 10 of Bell’s most popular videos. But it is, for my money, the quintessential dead mall video. As I commented on it several years ago, “this is where it all began for me.”

I’ve seen people compare figuring out that they’re into dead malls with learning that they have ASMR, realising that they’re gay – coincidentally, or perhaps not coincidentally, the dead mall space has a high level of LGBTQIA+ representation – and getting a formal autism/ADHD diagnosis. More on all of that another day.

But the feeling of “wow, I’m not the only one who feels this way about this thing” is intoxicating, and it’s oh so easy to find yourself falling down the rabbit hole. That’s how, a couple of years after Bell visited Forest Fair, I ended up retracing his steps.

First impressions…

Because I visited Forest Fair Village a year before I started Dead Mall Walking, my first trip there exists only in my memories. As you’ll see, that might be a good thing.

Walking into Neighborhood B – it’s always “neighborhoods” in Mills malls, never sections or quadrants – felt like walking into a dream.

This was a building that I had watched POV footage of maybe ten times, enough that it felt like I had been there myself. Nostalgia for somewhere I’d never actually been. Jamais vu.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted an older teen pacing up and down the escalators (which had long been permanently switched off) with the frantic energy of a zoo animal testing the borders of its enclosure.

Initially, I didn’t think much of it. He gave me an almost imperceptible nod as I walked by, which made me wonder if he was a security guard or had some other affiliation with the mall. He didn’t.

By the time I reached Neighborhood C, I realised that he was following me.

When a few lefts and rights failed to shake him off, the acid started to rise in my throat. I made a dash for the nearest exit, sprinted across the parking lot, and sped back to my nearby hotel. I made it to my room before I threw up.

Sometimes my mind wanders back to that moment and tries to figure out what I actually avoided. A mugging? Something worse? (People really do die in dead malls.) Or maybe absolutely nothing at all.

But I trust my gut, and it told me something about that day was all wrong.

…and second chances

That could easily have been my last visit to Forest Fair Village, but it wasn’t. I returned, albeit a little on edge, a day or so later with a near-stranger named Stephen (then posting on Instagram as @shopmalls_2004) and a local buddy of his.

We wandered around for hours, feeling like teenage mallrats all over again, and the pair shared with me some of their childhood experiences with the mall. All of the anxiety and stress I had felt previously melted away. I was getting my first taste of how welcoming and supportive this community (mostly, anyway…) can be.

Four years later, I consider Stephen a good friend.

As fascinated as I’d been with looking at pictures and videos of dead malls online prior to this, it was the Yin and Yang of these two experiences (one pleasant, one less so) that led me to step up creating my own content and immerse myself in the community.

That community is what has kept me going on more than one occasion.

As I started putting pen to paper (or fingers to keys…) for this piece, I looked to see if anyone had uploaded anything about Forest Fair Village lately. I found this vlog of a visit not long before the mall’s closure posted by Michele Lashae:

I couldn’t help but notice that, since her FFV videos, Michele’s channel has pivoted from scattered vlogs – she’s previously posted about manifestation, anxiety, and real estate – to one entirely focused on dead malls.

That, in nutshell, is what this interest will do to you.

Once dead malls get their claws into you, there’s no getting them out. And a big part of that is the warmth and vibrance in this community. Since 2019, I’ve collaborated, broken bread, and paced empty halls with creators from all over the world.

Every scene has its gatekeepers and its drama but, mercifully, that’s something that’s pretty easy to avoid in the dead mall scene. We’re all here because we want to see pictures, watch videos, or hear stories about these places we love, and loved.

To be reminded that, as weird as this fascination might be, we’re never alone.

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I started this project because I want to share stories about malls, living or dead, that deserve to be heard. Regardless of the size of your existing following, if you have one, or whether you even consider yourself a creator.

Whether it’s a mall job that saved you, an explore gone wrong (or right), or a mall that defined your childhood, I want to hear it! If not, that’s cool too. But I’d really appreciate it if you’d consider sharing the project and spreading the word.